Fam, American Political Gladiators is MUST-WATCH this year

The writers room really outdid themselves.

You have to admit, this has been a good season of reality TV for American Political Gladiators. First of all, I can’t believe they actually brought back Trump. Thought the networks would pass this time, what with the drama and toxic behavior on set last season and the one before that. Then again, the man’s great TV. Totally didn’t see the assassination attempt storyline coming. The writers had to be working overtime behind the scenes to think that shit up.

By the way, I was reading the message boards and I kind of agree with the fans—the Kamala Harris pivot this season felt half-baked. Like, we all saw the Joe Biden thing ending—you can only do the weekend at Bernie’s bit so many times before it’s like, god, show me something new already—but give me something more than that. I don’t know, at least recycle the due process of a Democratic presidential primary story arc, would you? Is that so much to ask? (They don’t want this to get out, but I heard there were budget cuts at the studio, so maybe that explains it.)

And also, is it just me, or are the Republicans getting lazy with casting? I mean, J.D. Vance? Really? You had four years and that’s all you got? Like, wow, he wrote a shitty book about his personal trauma and now he gets to be vice president? Come on. What millennial hasn’t written a shitty book about their personal trauma? I know I have and you don’t see me begging to be vice president.

Although, Kamala, hit me up if you need a white boy. You know, to balance out the ticket. I appeal to the overeducated smart-ass whites (there’s a lot of us, you know!) and we gotta hit all the voter demographics if we’re gonna beat Trump. Because he’s almost like one of those comic book villains this season, like Thanos or something. You know, where the heroes think they beat him, but like, last second, he escapes through a back hatch or getaway space ship (I want a getaway space ship), and then he returns bigger and badder than ever. And to defeat him, the heroes have to boost up their powers through a training montage or finding a secret talisman.

But I think I missed a couple episodes because it looks like the Dems already did that. Yeah, they got that “name-calling” power-up it looks like. They were recently calling Trump “weird,” and Vance “creepy” on national TV and, like, Twitter. The New York Times even covered it. And who would have thought, but Trump actually started name-calling back. Unbelievable, I know.

I mean, I don’t really know what’s happening with inflation or the economy, or why mental health illness diagnoses are at all-time highs, or why millennials and Gen Z aren’t dating or having sex or partying, or what’s happening with Israel-Palestine (which one am I supposed to hate again? ah, got it, thanks), or why no one really seems happy about anything happening in this country, but it is kind of fun watching the Presidential nominees bully each other in public, isn’t it?

Although, if I’m being honest, I think after this season, American Political Gladiators needs a reboot. At least a spin off. Because it’s starting to feel like I’ve seen all these character arcs and storylines before. I don’t know, I’m getting a little bored is all. Maybe I’ve been watching too much TV again. I want to stop. It’s just that I can’t, no matter what I do. I’m not addicted—I’m not. All I’m saying is I can’t look away. And I don’t understand why I or anyone I know can’t just look away.

ANYWAY, like and subscribe if you enjoyed this kind of content. I’ll be recapping American Political Gladiators each week with full breakdowns of Easter eggs and past season callbacks you might have missed. And because there’s just so much juicy content to cover this year, we’re also launching a podcast with episodes two times a week, where we’ll go even deeper on all things American Political Gladiators, and interview past contestants too (Nancy Pelosi, come on the pod!). Sign up for our Patreon if you want behind-the-scenes access and to join our live community chats. If you become a gold member, you can even submit questions to our podcast guests that we might read on air (I don’t want to spoil our special first guest, but it rhymes with Schmeorge Schmush).

Either way, consider us your home for all things American Political Gladiators. This season could turn into a wild one yet. Who knows, maybe Trump will fart in Pete Buttigieg’s face and say whoever smelt it dealt it. That would be pretty hilarious, huh?